Things You Didn't Know About Madonna's Book Party

• There was no parking problem.
• Based on what women were wearing, Madonna's trickle-down effect would seem to be delayed and strictly surface. Everybody wore black; nobody was fat. And though a few of the guys were looser, only Pope Michael Musto showed nearly as much imagination as the author herself--no one else looked as stupid, as weird, as surprising. It was as if invitations came with a dress code. Boys: Civvies. Girls: Bloomingdale's Madonna. Madonna: Lene Lovich.
• Most beautiful breasts: blond dominatee, first floor. Too bad her nipples were X'ed over with electrical tape.
• Gawkers were not gobbling popcorn from the bathtub containing the oft-described Popcorn Girl. Occasionally somebody pinched a handful is all, with salted preferred--since the fabulously efficient bars were complemented by precious few canapés and loads of cheap sweets (ice cream cones, penny candy), the Cracker Jack variety was de trop.
• As of 11:05, there was no toilet paper in the men's downstairs john. We assume this gaffe was rectified, but with all those trains running on time, we can hardly believe it happened at all.
• Bonus point: Front-page teaser for Stephen Holden's review of Erotica in Sunday's Times: "Is the album courageous or just commercial smut?" But Holden's review does not pose this dumb question nor ever employ the word "smut." Bet the poor scribe wishes he'd referred to the jokes on what he uncategorically declares "Madonna's most courageous album" as "sexy" or "suggestive" or even "dirty." Instead, he resorted to "smutty," and they made him pay.

With Carola Dibbell

Village Voice, 1992